"I was adopted just after I was born, I always tried to do what was right but the majority of my life was in jail or boys’ homes and psychiatric hospitals when I was a kid. I had lead poisoning as a child, which was mis-diagnosed. But the thing is, the system let me go, and didn't really let me nurture and grow properly in a family environment. So, I don't know really what a family environment is, but I know that a family environment is better than being in a lock up.
Because in there you isolate yourself from other people, and from the community, but in a family environment, I understand that you grow up and you love each other, and you look after each other, and carry each other's weight or load. In the institutions or jails, they don't do that. Everyone's for themselves sort of thing. So, I grew up being in boys’ homes and also jails. I was in jail for so long that while my body is around 60, my heart and mind is still young. Yeah, my body's starting to break down, and my mind and heart can't keep up."
Self Portraits
I Can Look in Any Angle
I can look at any angle
And still see
The good in everyone
But even though
I’m out
The mind-games don’t stop
“Whilst my love with God is in play, I can only see good. I love and make peace in every way. My eyes are like that because it means I can look at any different angle, and still see the same thing.”
More Self Portraits
It Balances Out
“Yep, I'm so happy, and in pain, but life balances out, so I'm all good. My pain can be both physical and emotional.
The system has brought on the pain because I'm fighting against it, and if I didn't give up the fight, you know, I’d have lost my life, lost my fight.
I’d become nothing, no one. I know no one wants to believe me or have anything to do with me, but sticks and stones and being strong, especially when you know people are wrong, it's worth fighting.”
Energy
Steps Uphill
“All that happens, but it happens because sometimes there's no release of the tension, and there's no punching bag there that we can take it out on, so it gets to a point where it all builds up and you just let it go.
I’ve destroyed property, and tables and chairs, because it's easier for me than to hit another human being. They have to hit me first, yeah, for me to hit back.”
The Layers of My Life
Life is Hard
“That's walking through the steps of life, and it's always hard and uphill. Life is hard and it's hard to be good all the time. It's very hard, but the rewards are worth it, and so easy to be doing the wrong thing, and the punishments come quickly.
The problem is that being bad means you don't enjoy your life as much as you should. Being positive and staying good, in good company, and with a good nature, it's hard, but the rewards are beneficial.”
The Harbour Bridge and Meeting New Friends
"The first one I did was the Harbour Bridge, because I like going over the Harbour Bridge walking, and drawing pictures of it.
For me it represents the way the community gets from one side to the other so they can meet new friends. It’s about meeting new friends, and feeling the freedom of just being above the ground, and looking down at how awesome the earth really is.”
My Journey
I Wanted to Find Out Who God Was
“This is about my journey. I wanted to find out for myself who God was and who he is, and after the first 15 years, I found him. Everyone knows my philosophy in God, so I'm happy either way. I don't need to say much. But religion is something hard to come by because not everyone likes it, and if they do, if you do talk about it, they've always got their own belief.”
Finally Free but I Have to Keep Fighting
“Yeah, it's been fighting for many many years. It's just, even though I'm out, the mind games haven't stopped, and I know they're going to be there till I die, for the rest of my life, because that's what the system does, is it um, if you don't give into the system, they punish you in a way to say, look, you either keep getting punished, or you tell us what we're going to need to know. The thing is, you may not know, what they want to know.”
My Experience of the Criminal Legal System
The Turmoil of Being in Prison
“I used to listen to music all the time I was doing the studying. Everything that I was doing in jail helped me try and be oblivious. Yeah, that’s the turmoil and pain of being in jail, it never ends. It's like it never ends, because every day there's something new happening and something very bad.
And that's what I'm saying, it's all pain and turmoil. Because it's like a big whirlwind that brings trouble every day, and you don't know it exists unless you become a part of it.”
Looking Out Over the Wall
“It means, it's the life I was looking forward to, every day while I was there, because you can sit on your window and look out over the wall, and it's the life that we all wanted and we missed, and most people don't see it. They just want to play cards, do weightlifting, and play sports. In Parklea Jail, you sit by your window, put your chair there, then it's all quiet, serene.
And it's the stuff you miss while inside. In jail looking up, that's looking over the wall, it's a completely different world inside jail. A lot of men become very hardened and very strong because if you're weak, you get pushed around, punished, whatever picked on.”
From Caterpillar to Butterfly
“It's about going to jail. It made me a grub, because in jail, when you first get locked up, yeah, you've got no access to cleaning materials and all sort of stuff to clean your cell, so the cell’s, dirty and grubby and you don't have, probably not have a shower after you come from the police cells.
Yeah, then coming out to turn into a better butterfly and I did. But I was always a butterfly in there, the people could see that. That's why they wanted to help me along my way, and I'm very thankful for all that help.”